Who on earth..

.. is Pratibha Patil? What obscure orifice of the thing called the Congress party did she crawl out of?

It goes without saying that I want Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam to continue at the helm for another term. But who am I? I'm a voter, yes, but unfortunately a voter doesn't elect the president.

So what does that leave me with??? Mrs. Patil?? Who is she anyway, and what makes her eligible to helm a nation of a billion?

So let's all compromise, shall we? Shall we go with what the GreatBong says?? In his inimitable style, he compares the two prime contenders, and wonders if maybe we're overlooking the obvious choice. Read this one, folks.

At least you started this day with a hearty laugh!

A stranger in a stranger land

Not being able to read Japanese, I am as good as illiterate. Never did this hit me so badly as this last week when the little one called for her health checkup.

First time I heard anything about it was when I was told by the translators' pool to show up at X place at Y time with Z things. Then I get a postcard from City Hall telling me to be in A place at Y time with Z things. Well, how am I to be in place A and X at the same time, pray? So its back to the translators' pool who said to get to X.

Clear as mud, what? Well, it's still just that. So I took the little one, and after a daunting search, found the right building. The search was daunting because I had the name of the building written down for me in Japanese script, and I was doing a case of character matching using my written instructions. Then once I decided that I was in the right place, I went in, found the right floor, room etc, and registered the little one who was probably equally bewildered. Then came the flood of important sounding of words.

Apparently this was where the 4-month-olds were having their health screening. Wasn't my kid 6-months old? Er, yes, but this is where I was told to come. More muttering between the staff there. But why didn't you get the 4th month screening done?? Hmm... let me see.. no one told me about it, could that possibly be the reason?? More agitated muttering... Alright, please come this way, and follow these instructions.

So far so good. My little one was pronounced all OK. That was wonderful. Then the health officer asks me, why haven't you given her these shots?

And there I was totally stumped. The last anyone explained to me, City Hall would tell me where and when to go for shots. So, no one told me anything about these shots. Apparently certain shots would be administered by City Hall and I had to arrange for the others. And the person-in-charge tells me, 'oh, here it is on this little book. See, here it clearly states all that.'

That was true. But I pulled out another instruction booklet given to me by City Hall. And I go, 'person-san, this one says (in English) that City Hall will inform me about the vaccinations.' And she looks at the other book (which is totally in Japanese) and goes, 'Ah, that one is outdated. See it clearly stated here (in Japanese) that you need to arrange for that yourself.'

Somehow I managed to drive back home without venting my frustration on any assorted automobiles, telephone or electric poles, got home and totally lost it. Poor A then called his office, asked them to sort out the mess, and ask that we be given updated information, and please be told what we need to do for the next 6 months.

Again, chaos. But City Hall sent you a card to be in place A, why were you at X?

Aaaaarghhhhhh... welcome to the bureaucratically induced insanity.

So the appointment is rescheduled, and I go to place A. And the doctor there helps me fill out a form all in Japanese, giving consent for my daughter to be vaccinated. I signed where I was told to, and sat back and relaxed.

Just before vaccination, forms were being scanned again. Then the person in charge goes, "Sumimasen, inkan arimasen ka?" (Excuse me, but don't you have a seal/chop?) "Arimasen, kochira wa sign shimashita." (No I don't, but I have signed here).

Then muttered discussions again. How I despise those!

Now this is a matter of security. Apparently signatures can be copied.

Well, that's true, but... hmm.. you know, seals can be stolen, replicated?

At the end of the day I had to have a seal to consent, and then some head honcho decided that my thumbprint would be a safer option than a signature. So I was helped to fill out another form. And as I put my thumb impression on that, I could remember scenes from banks back home, when the bank personnel would help illiterate clients write out forms etc, and they would put a thumb impression wherever a signature was needed.

I looked at the bunch of incomprehensible squiggles on the form that I had just signed, and thought: "My parents spend a healthy sum on my education, so I could put my thmub print on a form I don't understand that someone had to fill out for me?"

I finished the vaccination, strapped a totally annoyed baby into her carseat, and turned on some music. And then I suddenly heard "Ei dil, hai mushkil jeena yahan." That made my day. I relaxed, and sang along "zara hat ke, zara bach ke, yeh hai Japan meri jaan."

Verbs and Preschoolers

Since we started to learn Japanese, we stuck with the simple present, present continuous and past tenses in daily conversations. Otherwise our bhejas would have been overloaded and fried to a crisp. With the imperatives, we stuck to the politest form. We figured that the politer we were, we could get away with abysmal vocabulary and grammar.

With Aditi being a fussy eater, a healthy part of mealtime conversation would go something like this...
Me: Aditi, eat your rice.
Aditi: No.
Me: Baby, have some rasam.
Aditi: No.
Me: Eat your vegetables.
Aditi: No.
Me: Aditi, would you like some curd?
Aditi: Yes.

Then she started school. And our Japanese vocabulary of negatives and verb forms grew in leaps in bounds. How?? We had a rule. She was not allowed to use the word "NO". As usual she turned out to be way smarter than us. Now mealtime conversations go something like:

Me: Aditi, Gohan tabette ne (eat your rice).
Aditi: Gohan tabe shinai (I won't eat my rice)
Me: Baby, have some rasam.
Aditi: Rasam wa iranai (I don't want rasam)
Me: Eat your vegetables.
Aditi: Yada (I don't want to)
Me: Aditi, would you like some curd?
Aditi: Yes (Yes)

Ergo, my vocabulary has increased. I can conjugate the verb taberu (to eat) fairly competently in all forms. And using that as a reference, work with other verbs. I can use many forms of negatives.

And my daughter still eats nothing but curds.

Sigh, maybe she photosynthesizes.

A little post script

PS:
The geek list wouldn't be quite complete without this little confession added to it.

8. retail therapy means going to the electronics store and lusting at the new Mac desktops. Not just lusting, literally drooling over it.

Handbags? Shoes? Clothes?? Naah... iWant iMac.

Did I mention
9. Arun treated me to an iPod?

Pirates 3

I booked tickets well in advance, best seat in the house and all that jazz, first day first show, and since we happen to have babysitting, no need to drag the kids around, and with all enthusiasm off we went to watch 'Pirates of the Caribbean 3: At World's End'.

Arun and I are big fans of the Pirates franchise. Or rather, we were. We loved the first, thought the second was alright. The latest was weird to say the least.

Somehow the sequels just don't live up to the high standards I expected after Pirates 1. This one was even quite gross in bits. The story was like soup poured on an inverted plate; kept running around all over the place. Too many characters, plot lines, plots, loose ends.... and an ending that was left wide open for a sequel. Any number of sequels. Well, let's just say if Walt Disney was really interested in building up a Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, they could have gone for a mini series or something.

I'm definitely not going to add spoilers here, but like someone says of Capt. Jack Sparrow: "Is he making this up as he goes along?"

What have I become?

After over a year in Japan am I the same person I used to be? Have I become someone else totally?

According to Hemu, I've changed. He thinks I'm a geek. Hemu defines geek as "someone who has abnormal love/interest in gadgets and technology, high IQ and good at math.. etc".

I'm quite flattered someone thinks I've got a high IQ. I have my doubts about the math bit.

So I asked Hemu to elucidate, and he brought forth this list.

I quote:
1. you dual boot
2. you hate windoze
3. you use bittorent
4. you have a mac
5. you worry about templates and fonts
6. you blog!!!
7. you have multiple blogs

Unquote.

Hmmm.. if that's the case, I'm now a (certified) geek. And proud if it too......

No letters??

'R' was the only one who mailed me her address, and got me started on my (almost) New Year's resolution to start writing letters. And I must say my handwriting is getting better. Doesn't anyone else want a letter?

Where are all you letter-writers from days gone by?? Come on people, let's get started again!

And on a lighter note... Dear R, if you were to write which country the letter is to be delivered to, it might get to me earlier. I doubt average Joe postman knows where Tsuruoka is. Please mention Japan in your next letter....

However...

... on a more positive note, I can now write decently enough in Japanese to ask the lady sitting next to me in the PTA what the time is? Or is this meeting over yet?

If that's rude, and not quite done, I wonder how many degrees I need to bow to assure them I won't do that again?

Further adventures of a Gaijin in Shonai

What is it about the air in Shonai that seems to wash away my non-existent good sense?

First I (mis)volunteer as a something or the other to the school board. I found out that I am a Kanji. What the heck is a Kanji, you ask??

Hmmm let me see. Kanji is the name given to the Chinese characters used in Japanese writing. Kanji is also the name of traditional rice gruel. And according to Wikipedia it's also the name of a kind of shrub in Australia.

So which of that applies to me? None of the above, I guess. By some obscure logic, I'm the kind of Kanji that means classroom manager. I have enough trouble being a mom, and I'm a classroom manager?? God help us, why on earth am I paying exorbitant fees to the school if I am to be called a classroom manager? And I'm called Kanji-san.... Darned of that doesn't make me sound like 'respected rice gruel'.

Last week, a friend told us of a very interesting incident. Apparently, her nephew came out second best in a classroom disagreement. And one fine Sunday morning, the winner of said argument came over to his house with a battalion of family, bowed deeply and expressed a profound apology.

I thought that was carrying schoolroom politics a little too far.

Today the PTA called parents to school to observe our little ones in class. OK. Now, I thought, I finally can see for myself what Aditi does at school. Aditi always refuses to talk about school once she gets home.

When I got there, I saw kids running around, playing and generally having a good time in the school's indoor play area. And parents standing around in groups watching kids play. And there was the usual greet-and-bow-thingie going on. Once playtime was on in earnest the tone changed.

For example, Aditi got pushed by one little kid, and his mom came over to apologize, with a deep bow. Another kid hit his friend on the head, and his mom ran to that kid's mom and bowed in apology.

What the heck? People, this is nursery school... let the kids sort out their issues... or non-issues. Is this a school-playground or a corporate boardroom?? I'd rather the kids settled these issues themselves. I realise that in Japan, the sincerity of an apology depends on the depth of your bow, but this is a little ridiculous. Actually, this is absurd.

After Aditi came out second best in another little altercation, I told her to go to her sensei and settle matters. Not ask me to intervene. Call me an ignorant Gaijin, but I told the apologetic mother that it was not our problem. Of course, if she'd bowed any lower, she could have touched her knees with her nose. She could teach Sony Corp a thing or two.

What can I say about my schoolroom (mis)adventures in Japan? Looks like this is just the beginning. Just one month into Kindergarten, and I'm in deep... er... let's just say I have no clue what I'm upto. And in a few years time, Avani will get into kindergarten too, and hopefully by then I'll have developed some good sense. Or I'll be in a country where I don't need to bow to express my humility regarding my kid's conduct.

Hopefully, I won't be called Madame Rice Gruel ever again.

Banzai

Spring is here, so they say

After a long winter, the sun decided to shine with a vengeance over the last few weeks. On selected days of course. The trees in the friendly neighbourhood park started to sprout pink buds, and one fine day, the park was covered by a canopy of white sakura, tinged with the faintest blush of pink.

I came home and declared 'Hanami 2007' open.

Whenever I heard or read about 'Hanami' (before I came to Japan), I always had this feeling that it was a big fuss about a few flowers. Last year, soon after we landed here, I saw sakura in bloom for the first time in my life, and i was awed. It had to be the most beautiful thing that I had ever seen. But still, I thought it was a bit of a fuss. And I was busy, getting started with our life in Japan.

Winter here is long.... really long. Since we got here, we put away our warm clothes for all of 7 weeks. We got here in spring, and it rained almost all the time. July and August were unbelievably hot and humid, and come September, we started wearing warm clothes again. Then winter set in in earnest. And went on for just about forever. Then the snow melted, and one fine day, the cherry trees bloomed. And told me to dump the heavier jackets for now.

The sight of sakura trees in full bloom is incomparable. Just lush flowers, not a single green leaf to be seen on the trees. And after about a week, the flowers just wither away, and the trees are clothed in tender green leaves. And I know for sure the bad weather's gone. For now.

Everyday that the sky was clear, I bundled everyone out of the house, packed up whatever food was cooked, and lo.. picnic time! And after each picnic, a walk around the park, taking in the beauty of sakura in full bloom.

Of course, we didn't stop with sakura. We went to the nearby town of Yutagawa to watch the apricot blossoms, to Sakata to look at more sakura, and finally last week to Yunohama to see acres of tulip fields.

Tulips?? Yes, tulips... Tulips as far as the eye can see, in so many colours! Of course, there are lots of Japanese tourists in Amsterdam too, but trust me, I am still in the heart of good old Japan. And Arun decided to serenade me.

Earlier today a friend invited us out to a picnic. We are off to see more flowers tomorrow. And that too Mustard blooms!


Gawd, if Arun starts to sing again, I'll flip!!! Or I'll sing right back at him!

Harmony, Disconcert, Depress

Once upon a time I loved to (attempt to) sing. Once I was in the zone, I could sing 'Memory' across a wide octave range. I could sing notes that hadn't been invented. I could sing along with the black keys, the white keys, and the cracks too, but I would sing, and in notes that had never been heard and never will be heard again. And I would sing at the top of my voice.

Earlier today, in Japanese class, sensei was photocopying a homework assignment for me. As I was packing up to leave, I heard a very familiar melody over the public address system. I started to hum along, and then began to sing softly to myself.
Burnt out ends of smoky days
The stale cold smell of morning

As I sang to myself, sensei asked with all concern, 'Onaka no itai desu ka?' (Is your tummy hurting?)

I told her I was singing... and I don't know who was was more mortified....

I surely am not winning a Grammy in a hurry....

American Idol, here I come!

Tribulations of a stupid Gaijin

What is Gaijin?
Gaijin - short for Gaikokujin- noun- person from a foreign country.

What Gaijin are we talking about?
Gaijin referred to in headline - yours truly.

Why tribulaitons?
Because I was stupid.

Why was I stupid?
Because something got Lost in Translation.

Now that I've dispensed with the preliminaries, let me start my story.

A few weeks ago, there was the first PTA meeting at Aditi's new Kindergarten. At the PTA, the teacher asked for volunteers. Our translator explained that this was a call for (what I understood was) a homeroom mother kind of thing. And since there were no takers, I volunteered. That should have given me a clue, but like I mentioned before, there's this element of don't-think-just-leap somewhere in my mental make-up.

The first meeting of the homeroom volunteers was called today, and I went with a full dose of enthusiasm. When I walked into the school, there was this classroom readied for the meeting. And it was done up like a corporate boardroom. There was this square-shaped table arrangement, with each participant's place marked with a placard. There was an agenda in front of everyone, and tea and water. That still didn't ring any warning bells.

Next thing I know, speeches, and members started introducing themselves. Something didn't sound right at that point. Weren't we just required to state our names and leave it at that? Each person seemed to have so much to say about themselves. I was the third to speak, I just told the group my name, my daughter's name, what class she was in and sat down. And people were still looking at me, with expressions of "and what else?"

"What else?" That's it people, what else do you want? By then someone was kind enough to translate for me, and told me to talk about what I wanted to achieve as a member of the core committee??

And I started to think..... "Core committee ?? hmmm.. let's see now"... Just a minute! What "Core committee"? No one told me anything about any "core committee"... Isn't this just a meeting of homeroom parents??? For once I was totally speechless, and upheld my right to remain silent and not say anything, and just sat down.

Then the meeting started for real. The accountant (what the ^&*@ is an accountant doing in a PTA?) started reading out long long lists of numbers, that was last year's budget and balance sheet. Then she read out the current year's financial forecasts.

By this time I was fairly stumped. Something was not quite cricket here. And I wanted to know why x-thousands were being allocated for y-activity. That was apparently a no-no.

Then there were discussions about who will do what, for what school activity. Holy *&%#, My idea of school is that I pay fees so you keep my kid amused for a few hours a day! Why on earth am I doing all this? I decided on the easiest way out of the committee work. I offered to do the layout for the annual magazine. No interactions, no committees, nothing!

Then came the worst part. We were asked by the class teachers to plan a trip to the park (100 mts away from school) when every parent pulled out planners and organisers. It took them an hour to agree on a date. By this time, I'd totally lost it. I just told them to tell me when to show up, and where!

Fortunately for my sanity, Arun called. The baby was howling her head off. I apologised profoundly to the group, and ran out like my gluteus maximus was on fire!

Next meeting is a month from now, and I'm fully intend to fall sick a day before that :D

Ours is not to reason why,
Ours is but to listen and forget
(No PTA is going to kill me)

A weird soul

So I find time to post something and I'm totally out of inspiration, and Axe, that jobless dude tagged me again (like a gazillion years ago). And right now I'm in a weird enough mood to actually respond to a tag like that!

What 6 things make me weird? Am I weird at all? Ah well... let's see...

1. When I'm down or off colour, my idea of getting back into the swing of things is to cook a really elaborate meal. And not eat it.....

2. I love pedicures. A pedicure is always the answer... no matter what the question.

3. I refuse to use leather so that I can hide my (lack of) taste in footwear... handbags too. Well, as a secondary thought, it's disgustingly politically correct to boot... and goes perfectly well with my current PFA, PETA and other assorted crusades.

4. I dislike having to use the same brand of shower gel/cream twice in a row. And yes, the brands are necessarily NOT tested on animals.

5. I can't desist from buying pans. A good saucepan is perfect retail therapy!

6. I do not like conversation while I'm having my morning cuppa. I despise any disturbances then. I'd rather forgo my tea if I can't have some in total peace and quiet. I also do not like anyone else using my favourite tea-mug.

That was rather tame, wasn't it? I always loved to think I was weirder than anyone else. Why conform? Darn... I really need to redo that list. I refuse to be that tame!

And I'll be weird(er) by not tagging anyone else..... so there!

And if you think you're weird, please go ahead and tag thyself!

New Year Resolutions

It's March, you say? A little late in the year, you think? Ugadi does count as New Year... so there!

I'm sick of bills and letters to occupant in my mailbox. And I've cribbed about it before. So, here's my resolution. I'm going to write a letter a week from now on. Anyone friend that e-mails me their snail-mail address gets a letter.

Here's the catch. My mom taught Aditi the rudiments of composing a letter. So you'd get a note from her too. And do reply...

Let's revive a lost art.

Who's on first??

A pink slip...

... for the weatherman.

All assorted weather widgets insist it's a cloudy day. And it's snowing... and I have a large laundry load including linens.

According to at least 4 different sources, it's between 8 and 12 degrees (in metric units, of course!).. and ranges between cloudy and partially cloudy. So is my window out into the world wrong?

Fire the man, I say... or I wonder if I could sue? Hmmm....

Better still get the weather guys to do my laundry....

Even better, get Arun take the afternoon off and look after the kids, and I go out and build a snowman. And then come home to hot masala tea and spicy, piping hot pakodas!!!

And I can hear the balloon of delusions popping :)

Anything for a friend.....

Dear friend Axe is all jittery
He needs help in a hurry
His 'Sangeeth' is looming,
With no ideas blooming,
So lets put him out of his misery.

So all you stinking mutts
Get off your lazy butts
So lets start to think,
And get some pen and ink
And help Axe out of his rut.

So put it all down on paper,
before your thoughts start to taper
Send them to me,
The world shall see,
Your take on his wedding caper.

A whole new ballgame

What is parenting all about?

An acceptable answer would be, 'It's an exercise by adults who think they are smart, trying to outsmart a kid who's way smarter than the parents think'. Plenty shmart....

This is the sporadically updated scoreboard of that game called parenting.

Set 1:
Parents want to communicate and at the same time do not want little ears listening. So parents think, lets communicate in a language the kid doesn't know. Parents decide to communicate in Hindi.
Score: Parents 1 : Kid 0

Set 2: Parents realise that kid picks up on key words in the conversation, and makes some sense of it.
Score: Parents 1 : Kid 1

Set 3: Parents start to spell out things.
Score: Parents 2 : Kid 1

Set 4: Kid starts to take guesses at what parents are spelling out. Gets some stuff right.
Score: Parents 2 : Kid 2

Set 5: Arun has a request. He yells out, "Neeche se D-I-A-P-E-R leke aana". Aditi leans close to me and whispers, "Appa diaper kondu vara sollara" (Appa asked you to get a diaper)

Game, Set and Match: Aditi.

Somehow, I don't see us winning this game... not now, not in the near future, not ever...

And i don't mind losing....

Talk about lazy

A fridge that tosses chilled beer to you??

Now that it's been built, the perfect investor is probably way too lazy to write out the cheque!

I love...

... Cooliris for Firefox.

And it works well with Windoze too.

Ah winter!

My first white winter, and I love it! Our little neck of the woods has turned into a winter fairyland. Think of the winter scene from the movie, "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe". This isn't too different from that. Just way prettier.


Around the time mommy left it started getting sunny, and last week I thought I'd create more closet space and put away my bulky down coat. After 2 weeks of incessant sunshine, I decided I could make do with layering and a fleece jacket.

Now the powers-that-be-in-charge-of-weather got a kick out of getting it to rain when they knew I wasn't carrying an umberella. No one told me that they had such a warped sense of humor. They waited for me to put away my bulky coat, and then decided to let it snow. Not just snow, but a foot and a half overnight.

I'm not complaining, but it's just that I don't care too much about the latest fragrance I'm sporting.... Eau de Mothballs

That picture in the middle is an abstract interpretation of a snowman. About 3ft high. My first attempt at (abstract) snow art. Move over, Picasso!