25 July 2005

Don't you dare stop!

I had a rather enlightening conversation with Axe about his vehement objections to tourists in New York. Yes, I understand how this can be a problem.

Axe, apparently, doesn't like to go to Times Square, because "that place is full of tourists!" How dare they!! And what do they do? They stop suddenly as they are walking around the place! Imagine that... How dare they interrupt a "cynical, wannabe New Yorker"! Up in arms, I say!

Any lawyers out there want to take this up??


Axe said...

Look, Time Square is like Brigade Road and Commercial Street put together. Too many people, period.

What's worse is that people who have legitimate business there can't walk down the ruddy street because of the hordes of migratory buffalos dressed in orange & green hawaiian shirts.

You literally have to fight your ways across 2 mobs of people parked gawking at bright lights when crossing a street.


They should build an Upper Ramp - Tourists Only - kind of thing over there!

Dents said...

"My honour, on behalf of the orange & green hawaiian shirts, I protest the discriminatory attitude of native New Yorkers against our kind! We only do as Romans do...
Historically, there was a time when all we did was shuffle past Times Square (like the natives). Somewhere along the line, we saw New Yorker gawking, and learnt that it is acceptable, even traditional, behavior to gawk at the lights. If the natives now object, they have only themselves to blame. "

Vidya said...

Go DEnts!!!!!!!!
Now the "open season on Axe" is officially open.
Please feel free to use this post to take his trip :)
Chocolate cake to the winner. winner determined by whether comment-post-er or new-yorker-tourist annoys Axee most.
If post-er is over 18, then mebbe i shall add a dollop of brandy to the cake :D

Taz Snow said...

errr....looks like I am definitely not getting any chocolate cake! Becoz, though I am thumbing my nose at Axe's 'lookee down my nose at these tourist buffaloes' attitude, I do get what he is talking about. If Times Square has metamorphised into what Brigades and Com.Street are today, shoot them darn buffaloes, I say!!

And in the spirit of annoying Axe, tu kab se native bangaya be??!!

Dents said...

"Your Honour, the Defense calls to the Stand - 'Defence Against the Herd Buffaloes teacher'. Having visited Times Square recently, (But not), and Brigades and Commies in the past (But not), it is only fair to say that moths are attracted to blue flames."
"Also, more importantly, Your Honour, Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk who carried a gun and ran from the mob. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it. That does not make sense. Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot-tall Ewoks. That does not make sense."
"Defense rests."

hemu said...

My interest lies in the brandy dolloped chocolate cake ;), any chance i can get some of it without getting sucked into the spell of the bright lights like all the other colorful touristy buffalos

Anonymous said...

I can see how the Chewbacca defense works here! Go Johnny Cochran!

BioSwami said...

The thing that has been lost amid all this brouhaha is this:

What was Axe doing rushing through Times Square.. which direction was he coming from? Where was he going to? To the corner of 42nd and 5th maybe? If so, shouldn't that be a more interesting topic of discussion?

Methinks all his pique, chagrin and umbrage at tourists is because he couldn't wait to get someplace. So what was this place?

Milord.. the prosecution has brought out various pertinent points in this case to which the defense has been unable to respond

*cut to quick view of defense counsel in whispered consultations*


Dents said...

*After whispered consultations*
Your Honour, the Defense responds as thus:
"Chewbacca is a Wookiee from the planet Kashyyyk who carried a gun and ran from the mob. But Chewbacca lives on the planet Endor. Now think about it. That does not make sense. Why would a Wookiee, an eight-foot-tall Wookiee, want to live on Endor with a bunch of two-foot-tall Ewoks. That does not make sense."

BioSwami said...

*Prosecution cutting in*

MiLaaad (hindi movie ishtyle.. picture Satyen Kappoo here as the coated lawyer)

Mujrim ke mutabik.. er ok switch back to english..

There is a very rational explanation for Chewbaca wanting to live with the wookies milaaad... he was following the example of Gulliver, who, if you remember, during his travels, was caught by the liliputs and eventually became their king or something. Maybe Chewbaca had regal ambitions!

And hence, this proves Milaaad that "dafa 312 (c) aur 251 (d) ke tehak, mujrim ek khooni hai" er sorry Axe.. that should be... mujrim ne 42nd aur 5th pe ladkiyon ko taaka hai!:-)

Taz Snow said...

Vee, this lot is too demented to deserve chokky cake! Pls to be sending to me :oD

Vidya said...

u kidding? i'm getting a good laugh.. so far i put dents' cochran style chewbacca defense in the lead.

Axe .. does dents get the cake?

Vidya said...

Judge interrupts:
"Does the defendant have anything to say in his defence? Chewbacca defense objected to incompetant, immaterial and irrelevant ."

Taz Snow said...

Objection Milaad! Chewbacca is case ke takt tak pahunchene ke liye bahut zaroori sabit honge! (Chewy is too relevant!) Mujhe thoda waqt deejiye!

You see, the defendent Blunted Axe is an ewok.

Anonymous said...

In full support of Axe's distaste for tourists, this is probably what he encounters:

"Excuse me, which way is Manhattan?"

"Tourist: Well, the sticker there next to the door says this is the 2029 train, find that on the map--
NY guy: This is the R train, and that is a bus map."

Axe said...

Axe starts screaming!

Vee: He made a fair move. Screaming about it won't help you.

Taz: (interrupting) Let him have it. It's not wise to upset a Wookiee.

Vee: But m'am, nobody worries about upsetting Dents.

Taz: That's 'cause Dents doesn't pull people's arms out of their socket when they lose. Axe has been known to do that.

Vee: I see your point, M'am. I suggest a new strategy, Dents. Let Axe win.

(R2 ... er, Dents, whistles moournfully)

Axe said...

Cut to Dents (Defense Attorney At Large)

"Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, you must now decide whether to reverse the decision for my client Axe. I know he seems guilty, but ladies and gentlemen... [pulling down a diagram of Chewbacca] This is Chewbacca. Now think about that for one moment—that does not make sense. Why am I talking about Chewbacca when a man's life is on the line? Why? I'll tell you why: I don't know.

It does not make sense. If Chewbacca does not make sense, you must acquit!

[pulling a monkey out of his pocket] Here, look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey! [Vee's head explodes]

Vidya said...

The bench accepts the statements of the Defendant. Those in favour of awarding the cake to Axe, say 'aye. Those against say 'AYE'! hehehe....

votes are weighted thus.
Votes by Axe: 1 vote
Votes by other lawyers: 10 votes each
Votes by anonymous post-ers: 1 vote

Cake.. er.. Justice shall be served soon

Vidya said...

PS: we still dont know where Axe was headed

Dents said...

Hang on! Hang on!
Jury? Where did they come from?
Its Brrri-tish Law, MiLaud!
No jury!
Jus Judge and Executioner!
Since I would like to preserve the structure and fuction of my upper extremity, Defense will totally Rest!
*Thinking to himself*
"I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but the learner. Now, *I* am the master."

Taz Snow said...

Axe: Even a wookie must bow to a lightsaber. So there.

Axe said...

You can't win Dents. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine!

Flashback scene:

Dents was seduced by the dark side of the fudge.

The fudge?

Well, the Force is what gives a lawyer his power. It's an energy
field created by all chocolatey things. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the poopoo together.

Axe said...

On the subject of all things Star Warsy ... check a couple of these T's out. I want the "Absolut Sith" one!


Dents said...

Sweet Designs this!
I am now the
"Absolut Hic!"

"Fudge me not my love of chocolate, my life force, my amrit,
Execute Order 66"

"I will bring Sweetness to the Dark Fudge"

Vidya said...

It's official... Denti wins!